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 Communication Tips that Help Keep Couples Close
This is the relationship advice that Andrea read in a magazine recently. She laughed out loud upon reading the suggestion that a couple should never leave anything unsaid between them.
It seems like, in her own marriage, there are plenty of topics that Andrea has learned to keep her mouth shut about around her husband Robbie. He has a tender ego and if Andrea mentions something the least bit critical about him, it seems to touch a nerve and then Robbie huffs around and refuses to talk to her for a period of time.
The unfortunate thing is that now Andrea keeps a lot to herself.
There are so many things that she'd like to say to Robbie-- things that really bug her and that she wants to get out into the open-- but she doesn't want to pay the price and have to be around his sulking and and silent fuming.
In Andrea's estimation, talking about anything and everything with your mate, just doesn't work. In her experience, it has only brought more distance and tension.
In your own love relationship or marriage, you may have had a similar experience as did Andrea.
You mustered the courage to tell your partner something difficult-- maybe something that he or she did not want to hear. As a result, your partner may have shut down and closed you out. Or, he or she may have lashed out at you.
In the end, your openness and absolute honesty may not have seemed to bring you two closer together.
How to say what's on your mind and not drive your partner away...
The point here is not to just spew out the criticisms and judgments that you have about your partner, your relationship or anything else. That may be openness, but it's not conducive to a more connected relationship.
What you DO want to do is to think before you speak. We know, you've possibly heard this advice since you were a child.
But do you really do it?
Look at what it is that you want to say and get down to the most important part of the message.
You could communicate your desire to spend more quality time with your partner by saying, "I'd like to set aside some one-on-one fun and intimate time for us this week. When will you be available for that?" This will set you up for what you DO want.
Or, you could say to your mate, "You never spend time with me anymore. Why do you keep neglecting me?" This will most likely make him or her feel defensive or angry.
So, when you talk about anything and everything, do so in ways that help you both stay open. You can choose words that will move you two closer together-- as you are also being honest about how you really feel.
Should there be topics that are just "off limits?"
Even if you and your partner have agreed to disagree about a particular issue, you don't necessarily need to ban the subject completely.
You might not want to re-hash the same points and debate anew this topic each and every day.
At the same time, if you and your partner attempt to pretend that that issue doesn't exist and you tiptoe around it constantly, chances are, you'll both notice that disagreement more than you otherwise would have.
It will seem to grow in importance as you and your mate unsuccessfully try to avoid it.
Another tactic is to accept that, at this time, you two hold differing opinions about this particular subject. Come to some agreements, compromises perhaps, that allow you to move ahead with your lives.
Do not try to keep convincing one another that "your way" is the right one. Instead, acknowledge that you both are entitled to how you perceive the situation and proceed with the love and respect for each other that you both deserve.
Again, the way that you talk about these points of disagreement can make all of the difference.
About the Author
Susie and Otto Collins help people create more connected, loving relationships and are the authors of a new program: Magic Relationship Words. For a free report on how to reverse what you don't like in your relationships, visit: RelationshipReverseReport.com.
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Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/ - Communication Tips that Help Keep Couples Close
Written by Susie and Otto Collins | 7/27/2010
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